I wanted to be excited. I wanted to be giddy. I wanted to be flirtatious. I wanted to have known one way or the other by now. I didn’t want to be numb. But that’s what I am…Numb.
Here I am, caught up in a stereotypical scenario of “boy waits three days before contacting girl”. What are we, twelve? Sure, we’re adults and I don’t know your schedule. But you don’t know mine either. It feels like I’m supposed to be so indebted to you finally calling that I’d fall over for you.
At first, I was surprised by how calm I was knowing we’d finally get to communicate about what I desire for Us. Then, I started asking myself, “is he really waiting to call?” When the answer appears to be an obvious “yes, you were waiting”, I became numb to the point that when you did call, I was no longer sure I’d want to hear why it took so long; legitimate reason or not.
It took courage for me to reach out to you. It took courage for me to involve someone else who could potentially already know you’re unavailable but desired to help me regardless. It took courage for me to decide that I’d be willing to walk away from the narrative I’ve written in my heart about Us when the real story didn’t (or wouldn’t) have a happy ending.
Like the caption in the picture states, I believe God will give me someone to stand with me: even if that someone isn’t you.
My Journey, My Story 